Newsie Nonsense!
by Anjion
Summary: When you are a fan of Newsies, you may find yourself imagining scenes like these...
1. The Laughing Boy

**A/N: This is the first of a number of nonsensical stories I come up with at random moments, and I will add others later. I hope you find them as funny as I do!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies, sadly, they belong to Disney. Nor do I own any of the other Disney characters that might make an appearance. Mac, however, is my own creation (as am I!). Please read and review!**

 **1\. The Laughing Boy**

( _Pie Eater is sitting in an armchair, laughing hysterically after reading a funny story, and Skittery and Spot are glaring at him, thoroughly unimpressed. Race is playing Poker with Kid Blink, Mush and Snipes, and his voice is getting louder and higher in a desperate attempt to be heard over Pie. Bumlets is having a stick fight with Mac, watched by Tumbler, Romeo, Les and Crutchy, and Specs and Dutchy have a retreated to the corner with me, where I am showing them how to play Wizard 101 on my computer. Everyone else has fled the scene_.)

SKITTERY: ( _having finally had enough_ ) PIE EATER!

( _Pie responds by laughing some more_.)

SKITTERY: Pie, if you don't shut up _right now_ , I'll come over there and BRAIN you!

SPOT: Yeah! Me too!

( _Pie continues to laugh. Race, who is fast reaching the end of his tether and vocal range, starts to weep as he continues to scream over Pie. This in turn causes Mush to start whimpering and Blink to pull a series of pained faces. Mac and Bumlets' fight gets more intense as the general tension gets to them, and their spectators start cheering loudly in an attempt to block out the din._ )

SPOT: ( _getting up but watching me warily out of the corner of his eye; he knows I can see him_.) Pie, Please Shut Up!

( _Pie apparently finds this hilarious and falls out of the chair. Spot goes red with fury and clenches his fists, wanting more than anything to punch Pie, but he knows I won't allow it, so he returns to his seat. Everyone continues to try to ignore the laughing boy, while the volume levels steadily rise_.)

SPECS: ( _looking at the laptop screen in front of him_ ) So how do I get back to that hidden cave under the waterfall...?

DUTCHY: ( _looking at the computer screen in front of him_ ) Specs, stop turning your character round in circles! You're making me dizzy!

SPECS: I'm not moving him!

DUTCHY: Yes you are!

SPECS: Am not!

DUTCHY: Are too!

ME: Boys, that's enough...

( _Pie is showing no signs of tiring. Race, on the other hand, has lost it. He shoots out of his chair and advances on the completely oblivious Pie, still screaming his Poker moves at the top of his voice, tears streaming down his face. Seeing this, and not wanting any murders to take place in my house, I leap up onto the table, grab a random megaphone that I keep on the mantlepiece and yell into it_.)

ME: EVERYBODY, SHUT UP !

( _My cry cuts through the noise and the sudden silence is deafening. I look around at the boys (and girl) who have frozen in position, all looking at me. I smile and start to get down. But just as I reach the floor, a quiet whimper comes from somewhere. I look at Mush, expecting it to be him, but he is still sitting motionless, a look of shock on his face. Another whimper draws my attention back to a very deflated looking Pie. As I watch, his face suddenly crumples and he starts to cry, the sudden change in mood too much for him, and he is soon bawling his head off. Race bursts into fresh tears and flees onto the street, followed by most of the others. In the corner, Specs and Dutchy slide under the table as discreetly as possible, soon joined by Mush, leaving me alone with the distraught Pie_.)

ME: Oh no...


	2. An Unexpected Meeting

**A/N: This one came about after watching a dark comedy called FX.**

 **2\. An Unexpected Meeting**

ME: Skittery, come out from under there.

SKITTERY: ( _from under the bed_ ) N-no! T-that m-movie was s-s-scary!

JACK: ( _from inside the cupboard_ ) I-I agree!

ME: Well, I didn't know it was such a gory film! As it happens, I liked it. Especially Jerry Orbach.

SPOT: ( _from behind a large pile of cushions_ ) I-I wasn't s-scared at all! ( _He disappears again_ )

BUMLETS: I rather liked it.

SNODDY: Me too!

MAC: Me three!

( _Everyone stares incredulously at her. A young 'doctor', enjoying a film with multiple murders in it?! Mac just shrugs._ )

( _Race, who has somehow managed to squeeze himself into the wardrobe drawer, starts to exit._ )

RACE: _Nothing_ can scare me now...

( _The door opens and everyone stares at the new arrival. It appears to be made of snow, with twig arms and hair, a large tooth and a carrot nose. I, of course, know what and who the creature is, but the boys' faces are a picture! The little creature steps over the prone form of Boots (who_ really _doesn't like blood) and advances on the boys, arms out, a big grin on that goofy face_.)

STRANGER: Hi, I'm Olaf, and I love warm hugs!

( _beat_ )

BOYS: AAAAAAGHGHHHH!

(A _nd, screaming, they flee back to their various hiding places. Olaf looks at me, confused._ )

OLAF: Was it something I said?


	3. Whistle While You Work

**3\. Whistle While You Work**

( _I am humming my favourite theme tune as I do my jobs about the house_.)

SPOT: Will you stop humming?! You're giving me a headache!

SPECS: Stop whining! I like it.

DUTCHY: Yeah! Me too!

ME: Thanks boys!

LES: What is it from?

ME: It's the theme tune of Doctor Who.

SWIFTY: What's Doctor Who?

ME: You wouldn't understand it; it's something that happens way into your future. It'll take years to explain it to you lot.

RACE: Try us. We's clever!

ME: Oh really? Is that why you all nearly managed to blow yourselves up with the lawnmower and those matches yesterday?

ALL: Ummmmm... ( _All blush collectively_ )

ME: Exactly. ( _I start singing something else_ ) I've got a luverly bunch of coconuts (diddly dee)  
See them here all standing in a row...

TUMBLER: And what's that?

ME: Oh, it's from a movie that will come out in 1994. I doubt you boys will be around to see it. It's sung by Zazu...

SPOT: ( _irritated_ ) And who is Zazu?

ME: He's a bird...

( _Blink starts looking frantically around and interrupts me_.)

BLINK: A bird?! Where? Where is she? I don't see any birds!

ME: ( _sighs_ ) I said HE is a bird, Blink! As in animal! A hornbill, to be precise.

BLINK: ( _disappointed_ ) Oh.

ME: Besides, he isn't real -

ZAZU: ( _flying in_ ) Oh hello, I seem to be lost. Can you help me?

MUSH: AAAAGGHH! Look at the size of that beak! Keep it away from me!

RACE: Calm down Mush! Somehow I don't think he's gonna hurt you.

ZAZU: I say, who are you?

ME: Oh, hi Zazu, I'm Anjion. And these are the Newsies. This is Racetrack, and Kid Blink, and Mush, Swifty, Snoddy, Pie Eater, Bumlets, Snipeshooter, Mac, Spot, Smiler, Snaps, Romeo, Tumbler, Snitch, Itey, Boots, Crutchy, Jake, Specs, Dutchy, Skittery, Jack, David and Les. Phew, that's everyone, I think!

ZAZU: ( _blinks_ ) Wow, that's a lot of names! Hello, I'm Zazu.

ALL: Hello Zazu.

JACK: Hey, it can talk! A talking bird!

MAC: And you only _just_ noticed that? Come on, we've got stories to be in...

SPECS: Yeah! I can't wait!

SPOT: Hey, it's my turn first!

ME: I've already done you. Remember?

SPOT: Oh yeah...

ME: Oh, it's so much fun having a houseful of Newsies...


	4. Movie Night!

**A/N: I am not entirely sure where this one came from, but it amuses me! It's movie night! Extra points if you can identify the movies!**

 **AA/N: Chapter 4 is now Chapter 3 and vice versa. It makes more sense this way round!**

 **4\. Movie Night!**

( _First movie_ )

SPECS: ( _singing_ ) You ain't Never had a Friend like Me...

RACE: Specs!

SPECS: Yeah?

RACE: Shut up.

SPECS: Oh.

( _Second movie_ )

ZAZU: ( _singing_ ) This is the Morning Report, gives you the long and the short...

SKITTERY: Zazu?

ZAZU: Yes?

SKITTERY: Shut up.

ZAZU: Hmph!

( _Third movie_ )

( _Scuttle the seagull from The Little Mermaid flies in_ )

SCUTTLE: Ahem. SQUAWK, SQUAWK, SQUAAAWK...

ALL: Scuttle?

SCUTTLE: Yeeah?

ALL: SHUT UP!

SCUTTLE: ( _flying away, startled_ ) Alright, alright! AACKK! HELP!

( _Fourth movie_ )

( _We all look at each other._ )

ALL: ( _bursting into song_ ) AIN'T IT A FINE LIFE...

SPECS: ( _breaking off from singing and talking over the racket_ ) There's no excuse for not singing along with _this_ one!

( _He rejoins the singing with gusto!_ )


	5. Evil Blink!

**A/N: This one is strange. And short. And random. But here it is anyway!**

 **5\. Evil Blink!**

SPECS: Hey, has anyone seen Blink?

SNITCH: Yeah, he's in the office having an "evil laughing" fit. I can't get any sense out of him.

SPECS: Oh.

MUSH: I wish he'd come out. I wanna talk to him.

JACK: Shall I see if I can get him out?

( _Loud, manic laughter is heard from nearby._ )

ME: Erm, probably best to leave him alone for a while. As long as he doesn't start screaming like an evil professor...

( _An ear-splitting, thoroughly evil scream cuts through the air, causing the little ones to jump and prompting Mush to hide, whimpering, under the table._ )

ME: ( _sigh_ ) I spoke too soon...


End file.
